Frozen Paris Hilton

Dear Star Savior,

I’m Paris Hilton, a 26-year-old socialite/hotel heiress. I recently decided to have myself and my dogs cryogenically frozen. It’s going to cost a lot of money, but I think it’s worth it. Most of my cells will still be alive, so my life technically will last hundreds or thousands of years. It’s so cool! What do you think?

Dear Paris Hilton,

I support your decision to have yourself frozen, but I have one recommendation: Truly commit the rest of your natural life to doing all of the nothing you have started. You have done an amazing amount of nothing in your 26 years, but there is plenty left for you to not do. Here’s a quick tip: Every afternoon, when you wake up, do some idling right away before you find yourself busy with a full day of inactivity. You owe the world something, since you broke tradition by not showing up with a dream for Hollywood to beat to death.

The Star Savior