Tracy Morgan's booze bracelet

Dear Star Savior,

I'm Tracy Morgan, a 38-year-old comic actor on probation for driving under the influence of alcohol. I was supposed to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet for 90 days, but I took it off early because of a medical condition. My attorney is supposed to explain the specifics about my medical condition in court Tuesday. Do you have any last-minute advice for me?


Dear Tracy Morgan,

If possible, you should abandon your story. It's shaky. The problem is your history of drunken driving: To the rest of us, saying you took off your alcohol-monitoring bracelet because of a medical condition means you caught the medical condition from bottles contaminated with liquor. The only medical condition that would be a good excuse is amputation. "Temporary insanity" might work, but the judge would assume it was the kind you can sleep off. This is a tough one. You painted yourself into a corner by blaming a medical condition. Have you considered lying?

The Star Savior