Dear Star Savior,
I'm Boy George, the former frontman of Culture Club. Police have charged me with false imprisonment for keeping a man chained to a wall at my home in London. I'm out on bail until my court appearance on Nov. 22, so I have a little time to prepare. Do you have any advice?
Dear Boy George,
I can't think of any way to improve your chances in court, but I have a recommendation that will serve you in the future: Spend this time exploring London's club scene. I promise you'll find at least one club where chained-up men are included with cover. You'll never go back to storing chained-up men at home once you've had them fresh: They're friendlier, the club will supply the chains and you'll save a ton of clean-up time. And captives don't make good conversation, since they're busy fearing for their lives. Isn't open communication what it's all about?
The Star Savior
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