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Dear Star Savior,
I'm Boy George, the former frontman of Culture Club. Police have charged me with false imprisonment for keeping a man chained to a wall at my home in London. I'm out on bail until my court appearance on Nov. 22, so I have a little time to prepare. Do you have any advice?
Dear Boy George,
I can't think of any way to improve your chances in court, but I have a recommendation that will serve you in the future: Spend this time exploring London's club scene. I promise you'll find at least one club where chained-up men are included with cover. You'll never go back to storing chained-up men at home once you've had them fresh: They're friendlier, the club will supply the chains and you'll save a ton of clean-up time. And captives don't make good conversation, since they're busy fearing for their lives. Isn't open communication what it's all about?
The Star Savior
Dear Star Savior,
I'm Kid Rock, a successful 36-year-old musician. After a show Saturday night, I got into a brawl at a Waffle House restaurant in Atlanta, and I ended up spending 12 hours in the county jail as a result. Here's what happened: A guy in Waffle House recognized a girl in my entourage, and they had words. Then, the whole thing escalated into a fight between me and this guy out in the parking lot. Afterward, my entourage and I hopped on the tour bus and got out of there. We got about a mile away before the police stopped us and arrested me and five of my boys for battery. Was I wrong to get into a fight for my entourage girl?
Dear Kid Rock,
I applaud you for going the extra mile to reconnect with your redneck roots by going to a Waffle House and getting into a fight: Most of your peers simply would have gone back to the hotel and ordered room-service food or sent a roadie out to pick something up. To answer your question, yes, you were wrong to defend your entourage girl by fighting: Groupies are disposable. But the greater wrong here is related to logic. The next time you feel your redneck urges bubbling up and you can only satisfy them with a Waffle House fight, don't use your tour bus as a getaway car. With your name and picture on its sides, your bus was like a one-man police lineup.
The Star Savior
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