Episode 9

In this week's "Dear Star Savior":

— I reach out to Madonna after a court stops her from adopting a child

If you see or hear about a celebrity in need of help, contact me here at StarSavior.com, where you can read “Dear Star Savior” and listen to previous episodes.

Download “Dear Star Savior: Episode 9″ (MP3, 4:27, 6.1 MB)

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Angelina Jolie's 7-year-old gets knives

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It’s actress Angelina Jolie. I just continued a family tradition by getting my 7-year-old son a set of knives. My mom gave me my first daggers when I was 11 or 12, and I’ve decided to do the same for my kids. What do you think?


Dear Angelina,

I think you're keeping up a great tradition by giving each of your kids a set of knives. But now you need to add a new tradition: getting a new set of kids.

The Star Savior

Britney Spears' kid-free car

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Britney Spears again. A judge ruled that I can no longer drive with my children in the car with me, since I supposedly failed a drug test and there is a video of me running a red light with my kids in the car. This is so unfair! What do you think I should do?


Dear Britney Spears,

Since you're not allowed to have your kids in the car, you should focus on providing more danger at home to make up the difference. Otherwise, your kids will be confused by all the new safety. The good news for you is that the home offers plenty of ways to endanger kids' lives. After breakfast, you could have one of them wash the toaster. For a little fun, you could teach them bathtub diving. They could learn to count while stuffing paper clips into electrical outlets.

It might take a little planning and work, but it will be worth it. After all, these are your kids' formative years. The worst thing is for them to get their danger from someone else.

The Star Savior