Amy Winehouse's crack video

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. I’m Amy Winehouse. Police have questioned me about a video that supposedly shows me smoking crack cocaine during a party at my house. They haven’t filed charges, but they’re still investigating. What should I do?

Dear Amy,

Unfortunately, there isn’t a quick fix for your current situation. However, you should use this time to find a good crackhouse instead of smoking crack at home. The main benefit of a crackhouse is the lack of video cameras: Crackhouse types usually aren’t photogenic, and it’s hard to keep a camera still while tweaking. It doesn’t make for good viewing. As a bonus, you’d be smoking crack with London’s crack greats, addicts who went pro before your first pipe was just a twinkle in your dilated pupils. Think of it as a crack fantasy camp. Make sure to get autographs!

The Star Savior