Britney Spears and mental health

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Britney Spears again. For some reason, my family members think I need mental help, and they're trying to force me into treatment, even if it takes a court order. I have everything under control, so how can I let them know I don't need to be in a mental hospital?


Dear Britney,

To let them know you're serious about handling your own mental health, put together your own in-house mental facility. The first step is to get a nice form-fitting straitjacket, preferably in a neutral color so you can accessorize. Since the straitjacket will be your foundation piece, don't be cheap and get one at Wal-Mart. Invest in quality. It'll pay for itself after two breakdowns. And have your straitjacket tailored or altered. The last thing you need during a breakdown is to worry about your straitjacket riding up. Best of all, a straitjacket only covers the upper body, so you can still skip the underwear.

The Star Savior