Episode 6

In this week’s “Dear Star Savior”:

-- I advise Madonna after she announces that she's getting a divorce
-- I reach out to former “Soul Train” host Don Cornelius after his arrest for suspected domestic violence
-- I advise Angelina Jolie after she buys her 7-year-old son a set of knives

If you see or hear about a celebrity in need of help, call the Celebrity Rescue Hotline at 206-426-5796 or contact me here at StarSavior.com, where you can read "Dear Star Savior" and listen to previous episodes.

Download "Dear Star Savior: Episode 6" (MP3, 5:47, 2.6 MB)

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Don Cornelius' domestic-violence arrest

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Don Cornelius, the creator and former host of the TV show "Soul Train." I was arrested on suspicion of domestic violence after someone reported a domestic dispute. I'm free on bail until my court appearance next month. What advice do you have for me?


Dear Don,

I'd like to offer some advice, but I need more information about the alleged domestic dispute. Did you beat her while going down a Soul Train Line? And did she not call police because your punches scrambled her words?

The Star Savior

Episode 5

In this week’s “Dear Star Savior”:

-- I advise Hugh Hefner after one of his girlfriends breaks up with him
-- I give Ryan O’Neal advice after his son is sent back to rehab
-- I reach out to David Duchovny after his treatment for sex addiction

If you see or hear about a celebrity in need of help, call the Celebrity Rescue Hotline at 206-426-5796 or contact me at StarSavior.com, where you can read "Dear Star Savior" and listen to previous episodes.

Download "Dear Star Savior: Episode 5" (MP3, 5:47, 2.6 MB)

Subscribe on iTunes

Hugh Hefner's breakup

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Playboy magazine publisher Hugh Hefner. One of my three girlfriends has decided to stop seeing me. I saw this coming after I told her that I don't want to be married and have children. She's still here in the Playboy Mansion, but she says it's over, so I guess it's over. What do you think I should do?

Dear Hugh,

You are absolutely right. When she says it's over, it's over, and there is nothing to keep her from leaving. But there should be. Nothing keeps a relationship going like shackles. I promise: She won't ever leave you if she can't.

You need to make a grand romantic gesture to keep her from leaving you, and the best way to say “don’t leave me” is to chain her to a radiator. That's right: Imprisonment can be romantic.

Keeping her as a captive girlfriend instead of a wife guarantees that she won’t go anywhere. If she runs away from your marriage, she gets half of your money. If she tries to run away while she’s chained up, she gets half of her leg.

A relationship with a hostage has plenty of challenges -- mostly for her. So you really have to let her know what she means to you. And don't save it for special days. She might not survive.

Let her know that money is no object, even though she is. Start by chaining her up with designer high-end shackles. It turns out that shackles have gotten a lot nicer since slavery.

For a small treat every few days, let her stand up. Every now and then, surprise her with breakfast in bed -- actually, breakfast on the radiator she's chained to. Try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to her bathroom bucket.

For a special romantic night, take her on a trip down to the basement for dinner under the bare light bulb. But don't worry about finding her favorite wine. After she's been chained up for a while, she'll love any fluid that she didn't produce.

The Star Savior