Britney Spears' kid-free car

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Britney Spears again. A judge ruled that I can no longer drive with my children in the car with me, since I supposedly failed a drug test and there is a video of me running a red light with my kids in the car. This is so unfair! What do you think I should do?


Dear Britney Spears,

Since you're not allowed to have your kids in the car, you should focus on providing more danger at home to make up the difference. Otherwise, your kids will be confused by all the new safety. The good news for you is that the home offers plenty of ways to endanger kids' lives. After breakfast, you could have one of them wash the toaster. For a little fun, you could teach them bathtub diving. They could learn to count while stuffing paper clips into electrical outlets.

It might take a little planning and work, but it will be worth it. After all, these are your kids' formative years. The worst thing is for them to get their danger from someone else.

The Star Savior