Michael Jackson faces Neverland foreclosure

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. I’m Michael Jackson. I have to pay a balance of nearly $25 million to keep Neverland Valley Ranch in California from being foreclosed and sold. I haven’t spent much time there since I was acquitted on charges of sexually molesting a boy there after giving him alcohol, and state authorities shut it down in 2006, but I don’t want to lose Neverland. What should I do?

Dear Michael,

Since you have ties to the Los Angeles area and you used to live in Bahrain, you could take advantage of having two worlds. Celebrities love hitting benefit events, so you could raise money for Neverland with an auction of any young boy buddies you may have met in Bahrain. They might have been sold into prostitution in Bahrain anyway, but coming from a U.S. auction would look good on their resumes. For even more charity, the celebrities who win would donate their boys to Bahrain’s poorer prostitution rings, so they could afford to offer free parking and better insurance. As a bonus, the donations would be tax-deductible if the celebrities were willing to turn in receipts with “hooker boy” on them.

The Star Savior