Dolly Parton v. Howard Stern

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. I’m country singer Dolly Parton. I am furious with Howard Stern. He took a bunch of comments I have made and edited them to sound racist and sexually explicit for a bit on his radio show. What can I do to keep this from happening again?

Dear Dolly,

Speaking in public comes with the risk of having your words warped by someone else. It’s unavoidable. So I recommend that you start recording your own offensive sound bites so you can control what goes into them. And there’s a bonus: You can use your inappropriate comments to promote causes you believe in.

Start with something simple like “Black people should go back to Africa — and drop off some food.” Then you could try “I hate faggots who don’t recycle.” When you're ready for it, consider “Nothing turns me on like a good fist — full of money for cancer research.” You might be uncomfortable with that last one, but it would really help raise awareness for cancer — and fisting.

The Star Savior