Dear Star Savior,
Hi. I'm former glam rocker Gary Glitter. I was released from prison in Vietnam this week after spending three years locked up for child sex abuse. I was kicked out of Vietnam, then Hong Kong and Thailand wouldn't let me in, then I was sent back to London. Since I'm blacklisted in Cambodia, too, I guess I'll have to stay in London now. What advice do you have for me?
Dear Gary,
I know your time in prison must have been rough. And I'm sure you'll really miss Cambodia, Thailand and Vietnam. But look at the bright side: London has lots of kids.
Yes, Southeast Asia has a stronger pedophile community, but that doesn't mean you can't get lucky at home. It's just a matter of doing the legwork.
Your first stop should be the Center for Pedophile Tourism. It's set up for traveling pedophiles, as well as kid-lovers who are new in town or getting back on their feet. So stop by for some brochures and learn about local kiddie opportunities. Take their tour of local kid-hunting spots. Maybe you could attend their weekly pedophile mixer. (Note: The mixers are BYOB, "Bring a Youth Or Beat it.")
You should start building contacts on the Internet with social networking sites like Yunguns.net, TykeTail.org and KiddiePoke.com. That's how the better pedophiles do it. They review each area's child-sex scene in detail, ranking them in categories like kid density, variety, amount of adult supervision and cost (in terms of local candy).
Members of these sites also share "shopping tips." For example, here's a tip from 14cutoff: Invite neighborhood kids into your home to play with your dog, but tell them your dog is allergic to clothes.
I'm sure there are lots of child-sex treasures right in your own backyard. So play tourist in London and check out the kid-hunting spots you've ignored all these years. After all, there's no place like home -- if it's near a playground.
The Star Savior
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