Kanye West's photographer-attack case

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It’s rapper Kanye West. I was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport after struggling with a photographer and breaking his camera and then lunging at a videographer. There won't be felony charges against me and my manager, but I still may be charged with a misdemeanor. What advice do you have for me?


Dear Kanye,

Even though you won't face felony charges, your arrest was a sign: It’s time for you to stop attacking random photographers in airports. You should start attacking them away from airports, in places where you can really make a connection.

Photographer attacks aren’t meant to be done when you're rushing out of town. At an airport, you can’t really commit to an attack. You should be able to take your time and give it your full attention. Tell me this about the photographer you attacked: What color were his eyes? I’ll bet you didn't even notice.

I think it’s time for you to start looking for one special photographer to settle down with and attack. Do you want to still be lunging at strange photographers in airports when you’re 50? Do you want to spend your golden years worried about where a stranger’s camera has been?

If you want to find The One, you have to put yourself out there and change your approach. And don't limit yourself to attacking celebrity photographers. It's time to start attacking the photographers you never noticed before. The next time you're at Sears or Wal-Mart, lunge at the person working the camera. Just lunge at them. Don't go all the way with an attack yet. You'll ruin things if you move too fast.

You'll find that when you attack a photographer away from an airport, it really means something. You won't have to attack with one hand while you hold baggage with the other. You can use metal objects to spice up your hand-to-hand attacks. And you won't have to interrupt your attacks to take off your shoes for security. You'll thank me after your first kick.

The Star Savior